


Belong

by castle (paigeleg)



Series: Belong [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5x18 Despair, Feels, Fix It, M/M, Sort Of, word vomit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-11
Updated: 2020-11-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:26:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 3,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27509059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paigeleg/pseuds/castle
Summary: Dean is tired.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Belong [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2018792
Comments: 6
Kudos: 62





	1. Tired

**Author's Note:**

> I have a a lot of feelings and needed to get them out. This might just be a bunch of word vomit but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I plan on at least two more chapters.

It was over. The universe hadn’t imploded, there was no huge disaster, no Big Bang, no anything really. Caging Chuck instead of killing him had been the right move -Sam’s idea- and Dean had to let his anger over it all be buried deep down cause really, what more could he ask for at this point? Everything was just more the same, just like the last apocalypse. 

Dean had just dropped off Sam at Eileen’s. She was back, by some miracle, and the brothers had decided to figure that one out for another day and not question a good things so soon in the aftermath. Jack was with the other hunters from the other world, all returned in one piece. He himself was headed to the bunker, needing nothing more than a cold beer and a warm bed. 

Maybe he was getting too old for all of this. Maybe he should seriously consider retiring. Some beach somewhere, or one of those cabin in the woods situations with a lake and fishing and Cas-

No. For a brief moment, slightly high after the fight, he forgot about Cas being gone. As if he was expecting to get back to the bunker and he would be there, tired and concerned, waiting for them. Waiting for him. 

But he wouldn’t be there. And that was on Dean. He could have said something, or stopped Cas from saying something, anything to have made sure what had happened didn’t. He had just stood there, letting his best friend pour out his heart, pour out everything to him and all he did was fucking stand there. When he had finally been able to gather his thoughts and realize what exactly Cas was telling him- or trying to tell him- all he could muster was a few words. Not even the right words. 

And then Cas told him he loved him. He meant in a way that Dean knew he didn’t deserve, wasn’t worthy of. What the fuck had he done in his life that the universe would allow a being as heartfelt and honest and good as Cas fall in love with Dean Winchester? 

He had though and somewhere deep down Dean had known. He knew for a while now. He also knew his own feelings for the angel had morphed into something deeper and more profound than anything he had felt before. Not for Cassie, not for Lisa, not for anyone else who had entered his life. He never thought he deserved to feel this way, so he had buried the feelings as deep as they could go, under the questioning and the attraction and even under the self hatred for feeling any of those things. It was buried so deep that even in his perfect dream world Michael couldn’t find them. 

He arrived at the bunker, parked the car, and felt the weight of the day bear down on him. What he needed more than anything was sleep. He could deal with his guilt and regrets when he woke up. 

The bunker, however, was not the place to find peace, not this night. Dean found himself wondering the halls, memories flooding into him with every step he took. The more steps he took the more he could feel the tears forming in his eyes and the more he wanted to let go. Let go of the anger and the guilt and the grief that al sat bottled inside of him. How much long could it keep it all in for? He was getting more and more tired with every step. He just wanted his bed. He wanted to stop thinking and slip peacefully into sleep and forget for a few hours. He could dream of happier times, of Cas and Jack and Sam, of the good memories. 

He finally came to stop, not in front of his room, but in front of the room where it happened. The one where Cas had sacrificed himself for him. Where he said I love you and Goodbye. Why had his feet brought him here? To torture him some more? 

Then he heard it. A rustling. A sneeze. Someone was in there. 

Dean pulled the gun he always kept on his person and had it at the ready. One hand on the knob, turning slowly. He opened the door and raised his weapon, only to let her clatter to the ground when he saw who was there. 

“Hello, Dean.”


	2. Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas would always choose Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More word vomit. Enjoy.

In all his years, Castiel had never felt anything like this. In just being able to tell Dean how he felt had allowed him such peace, such happiness. If he had known this would be the result he would have told him years ago. Before the deal, before Chuck, before the Leviathan…..maybe things would have been different. He hadn’t been ready though, any of those times. He didn’t even truly understand what he was feeling any of those times.

When he did start to understand, he would leave. Any excuse he could come up with it. A job, a way out of whatever new disaster they were trying to save the world from, his own Angel army (even then he had chosen Dean, he would always choose Dean), even the hunt for Kelly had been a welcome distraction. 

He went through a period of longing after he came back from The Empty. The longing subsided eventually and it was just enough to be. To be family, to be with him and near him, getting a small chance to be part of the life of the most loving and caring person he had have known. To ever exist in Castiel’s mind. He would never have to tell Dean. He could feel what he felt and be content with that. 

But telling Dean had been transcendent. His being was filled with so much love, love for this one human man, and happiness that he couldn’t contain. So he didn’t. It spilled out of him in tears and words and pure emotion that was so very human it made him almost burst. Not almost, he did burst. He poured out everything into his goodbye that The Empty came for him and Castiel was at peace. Three little words and everything that ever burdened him seem to disappear in a mess of black inky goo and tears. Joyful, unabashed, proud tears. He was proud to love this man, proud he to be his family, and proud of himself that he could die doing the one thing he always do. 

Choose Dean.


	3. The Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Empty was furious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Less word vomit than usual, but still here. I have no idea what I am writing anymore to be honest, and am just letting the story write itself.

The Empty was furious. It should be happy, it got Billie, it got Castiel, it could finally, finally, go back to sleep. But something was wrong. Something was terribly, terribly wrong.

It was all that boys fault. Jack. He appeared here, all in pain and glowing, and he made it loud. Too loud. So loud that things were starting to wake up. 

When it arrived back with tendrils still wrapped around the angel and Billie to find others had awaken. The vastness was starting to fill with angels and demons waking up to find out they had died and not knowing where they are. 

So yes, The Empty was furious. And it knew just who to take it out on.


	4. Hello, Dean

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All I have been doing with my day off is writing this fic to hopefully finish before I watch the episode tomorrow. I hope y’all are still enjoying it.

“Hello, Dean”

“Cas?” Dean managed to choke out, tears burning behind his eyes. 

Cas stood before him, trench coat and suit jacket gone, his shirt torn and bloodied, one eye swollen shut.

“I-“ Castiel managed to stutter out before collapsing to the ground. Dean rushed over to him, barely catching him in time. He picked up the angel and carried him to his own room, laying him down in the perfectly made bed. Dean took in the sight before him, letting out a sob. Cas had returned to him. He would get the how later, for now he was happy to have. To be here with him. 

If it was Cas. 

An dark little voice in the back of his head forced it’s way into the front, filling him doubt. 

What if it wasn’t Cas who returned to him? What if something was possessing him, rather, something has taken control of his vessel and kicked him out? What if whatever it was knew Dean would be so relieved to have Cas back, to finally be able to say the things he wanted to say-he should have said- that he wouldn’t question anything about the return? What if?

They had had so much good, so many wins in the last few days, that this one seemed impossible. Sure, he had plans to try and get Cas back eventually, but to have him just show up with any effort or sacrifice on Dean’s part? 

It was too easy. It was to good. 

And Dean didn’t deserve it.


	5. Purgatory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Purgatory was when he knew.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven’t watched the new ep yet and won’t until tomorrow, but I have at least two more chapters planned.  
> I don’t think I have ever finished a fic in my life so this will be exciting. If you’ve stuck around this far, thanks, enjoy.

“How did he get back?” Sam’s voice floated over the speaker. Dean had called him after tending to Cas’s wounds (the ones he could find) to give him an update. 

“I’m not sure. He barely got a word in before just passing out on me. I don’t even know if it’s really him,” Dean responded. He as slouching in a chair next to Cas’s bed, waiting for him to wake up. 

“Well.. this is a good thing, Dean. I mean, it’s gotta be him, right?”

“I mean, maybe. But he sneezed. Since when does Cas sneeze?”

“Ask him when he wakes up? I have to go-I’m heading back though and we will figure this out soon. And Dean?”

“Yeah?”

“Sometimes good things do happen.” His brother hung up then, but not before Dean heard the distinctive giggle of Eileen in the background. On his way, sure. 

Dean slumped back into the chair and closed his eyes. All of the emotions and feelings he was hoping to avoid came flooding to the forefront of his mind, taking over. Now or never. 

“Purgatory,” he whispered into the silence, opening his eyes. His gaze found and settled on the resting angel. “It was purgatory when I finally started realizing the feelings were there and what they were. I pushed it down, just like I do with everything else. I almost told you, once, how I felt, with Naomi. Remember the Angel tablet? Almost then, but I didn’t. Then you told me. You tried to cover it up and I just brushed it off cause who really needs chick flick moments?” Dean let out a laugh that was half sob. 

“I love you, Cas. And the sick truth is if your vessel was a woman I probably would have made a move on you years ago. I mean, look at Anna. She touched your mark, you know. When she and I- it had felt wrong. But I went through with it. I’m filled with so much self doubt and hate that the thought of being attracted to or falling for someone who just looked male was enough to-......Michael didn’t even know. That is how far I buried it. So this, whatever this is, has got to be you Cas, because you can have me. You just gotta ask me, man.” Dean let out a sigh when he finished, wanting nothing more than to curl into bed with Cas at that moment. He closed his eyes to stop the tears threatening to fall. When he opened them, Cas’s good eye was open and staring up at him.


	6. Cas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would be less chapters if I wrote more. Please enjoy the spurts.

“I’m not quite sure what happened, Dean,” Cas started to explain, accepting the beer that was handed to him. Dean had helped hm to the main room, leading him to the main room where they usually did their research. He had set Cas down in a chair and grabbed them two beers, knowing it wouldn’t effect the angel but hoping the comfort in the gesture would. 

“But...you are you? Right?” Dean asked, taking a swig. 

“I’m me. Mostly.”

“Mostly?”

Cas sighed before answering Dean’s inquiry. 

“The Empty, after it punished me, it took….Dean, it took my grace.”

“You’re human?” The reveal hit Dean like a shock to the system. Cas wasn’t Castiel anymore.. Not entirely. He knew something had been off when he saw him, when he heard the sneeze. His second thought: Cas could grow old. With him. 

“Yes, “ Castiel answered, exhaustion shining through. “It would seem so.”


	7. Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Was one Angel really worth all this?

Uriel’s fist hit Cas’s face with a sickening sound. The force of it made Cas fall, landing in front of another angel. The angel lifted his foot and kicked Cas, sending him even further to the ground. He was surrounded by angels. There were some demons in the mix, but they seemed content to watch while Castiel was repeatedly beaten by his own kind. The angels were a mix of ones who had followed Raphael and Metatron, as well as his old garrison. Some he had killed, others had died in his name. 

They were all furious. 

The Empty stood just beyond the crowd of dead Angels, radiating anger and pleasure. It was angry at everyone who had woken up but got a sick satisfaction as it watched Castiel be beaten. 

“Entertaining, isn’t it?” 

One of the things that woke was speaking to it. The empty turned it’s (Meg’s) head towards the voice. It was a demon, it recognized, The one called Crowley. 

“Watching an enemy get what they deserve. And then some.” They watched as another angel took a hit at Castiel. 

“I’m enjoying it.” The Empty said, eyes locked on Castiel. 

“Are you? Rumor has it you’d rather all of us back to sleep so you can sleep and we can spend the rest of our time here dreaming of rainbows and unicorns.”

Sleep. The idea of it made the Empty feel so wistful. The feeling outweighed the pleasure of the beating. 

“I would like to sleep. But Castiel has a habit of making things loud. He must be punished.”

“I agree, wholeheartedly,” the demon continued on, “but is this really the right punishment? So many of us awake, so much yelling? Seems to me you are the one truly being punished here.”

Crowley had a point, The Empty thought. Was one Angel really worth all this? 

“What would you suggest?”

“There’s only one true punishment for an Angel of the Lord, isn’t there?”

The Empty looked at the demon questioningly for a moment before realization dawned on it. 

“But we had a deal.”

“If you knew this was the result, would you have even made it?”

It wouldn’t have.

“Is one Angel really worth all this?”

No, he wasn’t. The demon was right.

The Empty needed to get rid of Castiel, and there was only one way to do it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don’t think I got Crowley quite right in this, but I hope you enjoyed it anyway. 
> 
> Also I made a playlist for this fic, if anyone is interested.   
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0nAeCXhfG191Y93XkEpHlX?nd=1


	8. Confession

“So the Angels were just wailing on you and stopped?” Dean asked after Castiel told him his tale of being The Empty. 

“Yes. One moment I was being beaten by a mob of angry dead Angels and the next, it was me, The Empty and Crowley.”

“Crowley?”

“He said ‘You’re welcome’ and he too disappeared. The next moment the Empty is taking my grace and I’m back in the bunker,” Castiel explained. 

“So you really have no idea why The Empty sent you back?”

“To sleep, I suppose. The beating was rather loud.” 

Dean’s heart broke at the comment. When Cas let The Empty take him he had been so happy, so at peace. To got from a moment of true happiness to being tortured in a matter of seconds….Dean couldn’t imagine. Of course, he had never felt true happiness. Not yet anyway. 

“I’m sorry, Cas. We should have found another out from Billie.”

“No, Dean. I don’t regret my choice. You were saved, and alive, still, and that’s all I could ask for,” Cas gave him a a reassuring smile. 

“Cas-“

“I also don’t regret what I said. I meant every word, Dean.”

Confusion crossed Dean’s face. He knew that, and he had meant of word of his own confession. Cas had been staring at home when he finished. Had he not heard-?

“If this makes things strange or weird between us, then I understand. I can go on my own-“

-Not that, anything but leaving him again-

“-and hunt. I’ve gotten better over the years, I think,-

-he hadn’t heard him, damnitt-

“-or I could be more of a Bobby figure. I do have a many more years on all the hunters, my knowledge could be useful-“

-just say it already, before he decides to leave-

“-and I do like the idea of aging. There’s a quiet dignity in how humans grow older-“

“Grow old with me,” Dean blurted out, ending Cas’s rambling. The (former) angel froze. He blinked at Dean, forehead crinkling. 

“What?”

“You wanna grow old, great. Just do it with me. If I make it that far, anyway,” Cas still looked confused, so Dean continued, ‘Damnitt, Cas, I already did the whole confession thing when you were unconscious. I thought you heard me.”

“If I was unconscious how would I have heard you?”

“Cause you were looking at me so I thought you were pulling that whole fake sleeping thing they do in movies to hear what the other person was saying.”

“That would be lying, Dean. I’ve learned my lesson about lying to you, I don’t plan on doing it again.”

“Yeah, no Cas, of course. We will both be honest, here on out, yeah?”

“Yes.”

A pause. Dean, who had been avoiding Cas’s eyes until this moment, could feel him staring at him. He looked up to see Cas grinning on his one good eye shining,

“What did you confess, Dean?”

Dean grinned back, more bashfully then he ever remembers doing, and answered. 

“That I love you too.”


	9. Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where we belong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof. Finally this fic is done. Thank you all for sticking with it and reading it. I can finally watch the latest episode.

7 Years Later 

“And then what happened?” Cas asked the toddler in front of him. The 4 year old was enthusiastically recounting the dream he had last night, telling his (favorite) uncle the adventure he had been on. There were pirate ships and pandas and all little John-John Winchester had with him was his monkey companion. Casiel was enthralled, listening with intensity. Eileen sat next to him, laughing along, her baby bump bigger than ever. Dean and Sam were in the backyard of the younger’s new house,bbqing on the grill. Well, Dean was making burgers (his specialty) and Sam was nursing a beer, listening to his brother recount his own latest adventure. 

“I am telling you man, if we had Stevie back in the day, so many more hunts would have been smoother. She was unstoppable with those vamps. I came home and told Cas I thought I was in love, and you know what he said?”

“What did he say Dean?”

“He just said he could officiate the wedding. Not even a little jealous.”

“You two survived Chuck, The Empty, Death together…..he’s probably not even close to worried about you running off. Especially since Charlie would have your head.”

“Charlie will be Dean’s best man,” Cas said, coming out with a tray of chicken to add to the grill. “We’ve discussed this, in detail.”

Sam laughed, smiling a stupid grin when Dean leaned in to peck Cas’s cheek and Cas placed a hand on Dean’s lower back, watching him flip the burgers. His grin lasted only a moment though, before a frown replaced it. 

“You know, I keep waiting for the big bad,” he said softly. Cas and Dean turned to him. “Even now, after all this time. I’m expecting something worse than vamps or ghouls or whatever the monster of the week is.”

“I understand,” Cas reassured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. “I feel the same. I still have nightmares of The Empty, wondering if it’s going to come for me.”

“It’s normal to have some PTSD after all the shit we’ve been through,” Dean added, taking the burgers off and onto a platter. “It’s just are we are, expecting the bad things to always happen. But it doesn’t mean it will. I mean, you’ve got a great wife, a kid, one on the way, and you finished your law degree. Things are pretty great for us. We should try to enjoy just being.” Dean and Cas shared a look, soft smiles on their faces. 

“We are where we belong, Sam, with each other.” Cas agreed. 

“Yeah. You’re right. I’m gonna go enjoy my family for now. Claire should be here any minute. Isn’t she bringing her new boyfriend?”

Cas let out a sigh before answering. 

“Yes. Some boy she met during a hunt. They,” he put his fingers into quotes,”hit it off right away. His mother is coming as well.” 

The doorbell rang, followed by sounds of greeting and laughter. 

“Looks like they are here,” Sam said, heading inside. A few moments later he came back out, face pale. 

“Sammy?” Dean asked, worry overcoming him. 

“Dean, I think Claire’s new boyfriend is-“

“My son.” A woman’s voice floated over to them. Dean froze, recognizing that voice. Cas and Dean both turned to look, their eyes going wide at the site of the woman before them. 

“Hi,” she said with radiant smile and unknowing eyes. “My name is Lisa Braeden.”


End file.
